I've just bought an enormous padlock for the new shed. I didn't realise how big it would be when I ordered it. It is really ridiculously massive, the sort of padlock a man would buy if he was lacking in confidence about his masculinity. I decided to keep it, because it made me laugh. The new shed is the tinyest shed you can buy, and now it has this padlock on it. It looks like a kind of blinging gangster rap chav shed now. Maybe I'll pimp it up along that theme. The thing is, there's nothing worth stealing inside anyway, just old tools.
I think there's a kind of comedy quality to the new allotment. I started tuning into it when I made a smiley face for the crater where the frog pond used to be. Apples for eyes, a nose shaped stone for the nose, and a terracotta pot rim for the smile. Then a creature ate the eyes in the night.
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